All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Ketchup is God's man juice
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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