Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
