it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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