I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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