it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
