Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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