@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
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I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Boobs speak an international language.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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