Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
