I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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