He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
