I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
