Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
