I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
