i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
