Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
