do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Blood and glitter go together right?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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