She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
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I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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