its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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