She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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