I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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