You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
