There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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