I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
