i just wanna soil my oats bro
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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