Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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