the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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