i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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