I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
