I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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