do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
