so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
