I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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