How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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