how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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