So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
