I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he wants to bone in the snuggie
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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