gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
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booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
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i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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