Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
