I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
