Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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