You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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