I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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