You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I did not marry a roomba.
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