the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
