Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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