just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
