I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
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Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
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Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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