he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
should my penis look like a turkey
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
