Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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