Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Are we still banned from the library?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
