she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
