He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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