dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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