so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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