good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
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He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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