My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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