Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
high people should be assigned attendants
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
