She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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