Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
