Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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