I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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