Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
