1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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